Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

The NFL Draft is approaching, and draftnicks everywhere are finalizing their 100+ player deep draft lists. Baseball has started and some teams have started off red hot, others not so much and fans around the country are overreacting to a week of play. The NBA regular season is winding down as teams fight for seeds, as if it makes a difference if the Sixers play the Heat or the Bulls in the first round anyway. Mitt Romney goes on the campaign trail to get as many people who debated him 15 times over the past year and a half as possible to join his side. Lazy people fret about getting their taxes in on time after having months to do so. Early April is a busy month. When you take a vacation you suddenly remember something very important:

None of this matters.

There are few reset buttons in life better than sitting on a beach for a weekend. And what a weekend it was. The Flyers coming from behind to defeat the Penguins in overtime was a sign of good things to come. I couldn’t ask for a better start, other than a dominating regulation win. But OT comebacks are soul crushing and I like seeing Penguins fans have their souls crushed, so no complaints. The next day something amazing happened: we left on time. That just doesn’t happen.

Tybee Island: “You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.” Seriously, they should name it Douche Beach, as the beach is just littered with awful tattoos and SEC frat boys. The rest of Tybee is a nice beach town though: small enough that once you get there everything is within walking distance, good food, the beaches are visually nice and of course it’s right outside Savannah. Not the greatest beach destination, but more than good enough. We had dinner Thursday night at The Crab Shack, which has free roaming cats and alligators you can feed. No, you can not feed them the cats.

Friday was just perfect. Some beach time with the lady during the day, the weather was simply perfect and the beach was sparsely populated. That night I grilled up some food while watching the Flyers destroy the Penguins and the Misses listened to the Braves game as our guests arrived. We played this board game called Quelf, it is fantastic. It’s simple and hilarious. You roll a die, advance that many spaces and draw a card based on the color you landed on, then do whatever the card says. I spent an entire round under the table because the card said so. One of the guys wore lipstick, because the card said so. He also had to put one leg over his knee and then point at the nearest wall, because the card said so. Another person had to start every sentence with “tsK” because the card said so. You get the idea.

Saturday, the douches came out. I hadn’t seen that much ink since the last time I was in prison. We tried long and hard to find tattoos that weren’t awful, and we came up empty handed. There were guys with tramp stamps, 12 year olds with tramp stamps, cross tattoos in odd places, and perhaps my favorite was the guy with stars that went down the side of his torso, getting smaller as you went down and next to him was a chick with star tattoos on her waistline. If they hooked up their tattoos would have linked, but they were not a couple (they were the inside of a pair of couples: guy-girl-guy-girl). Maybe they’ve hooked up anyway. Where there weren’t tattoos there were SEC frat boys, the South Carolina variety. Ah, South Carolina: 119 years of football, only two 10 win seasons. Only four 9+ win seasons. Heck of a tradition. The tide that day was huge. One guy was passed out on his towel and the tide rose past where he was and he slept through it. Nearby a group of college douches had a cooler with a massive stereo in it and they were blasting awful, awful music. If you were putting together NOW That’s What I Call Music! Shitty Rock and Shitty Country Edition, this would be the CD. We have no idea how the people near them tolerated it. There should have been a 30 yard radius of nothing around them. But hey, we’re on the beach. Beats your normal Saturday.

That night we capped it off at AJ’s Dockside, and they gave us perfect seats. This was my view:

Life is good.

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